Mayweather’s baby girl and boxing out mean girl behavior

It seems no matter how much we insulate our virtual networking walls or the lengths we go to safeguard our online communities, this culture of Black girl aggression seems to penetrate. The latest viral infection is the video of Floyd Mayweather’s  daughter, Iyanna, in a school fight…well, it can’t honestly be called a fight as it appears she was jumped by various girls. Having that video show up in my timeline along with others like it pulls us back into the stark and unfortunate reality that our girls, no matter where they are, can find themselves pulled into this ugly world where violence is normalized.

As a mother and girls advocate, I instinctively felt compelled to reach through my computer and pull all involved into a sister circle to find out what caused them to lower themselves to physical fighting; to bring about a resolution. Hopefully the parents and school officials give the type of redirection and support that is desperately needed.

Yet, I understand the fighting itself is just a manifestation of a larger societal problem; the societal problem that exploits a mean girl culture of aggression and pain. I explored this very phenomenon with clinical therapist, Lisa Butler, on Voices of Advocacy Radio a few weeks ago.  Comes down to simple math, hurt people hurt people and the number of those hurting is evident in the staggering statistics of girls engaged in physical violence against other girls.

Still, moving beyond that we must question what is the impetus for these videos constantly making their way into cyberspace. What is the curator trying to share? Are they really conscious of the implications, both to the individuals involved as well as those who view the videos? Furthermore, why do we reward with our reposts, shares, and comments?

During my “OMG: Mindless Social Media Behavior©” workshops, it always intrigues me to hear how little girls think about the consequences of their social media culture. The shock they experience when they come to understand much of what they are engaged in online has criminal repercussions including harassment, accomplice to a crime, fraud, defamation, and aiding in suicide.

Sadly, by the time it makes it to my social networks, an adult has made the very poor decision to repost, which altogether sends a damaging message about appropriate behavior. Not to mention, when our girls are inundated with media messages that glorify gossip, yelling, threatening and physical confrontations as normalized woman-woman interactions; we are presented with an urgent need to have consistent and targeted conversations about media literacy and healthy interpersonal relations. We’ve obviously sunk to our lowest vibration when this type of posting makes it as a headline for online “news” outlets.

Too often this behavior is typical for teen spaces, be it school, community centers and I’ve spoken with several pastors of churches who have shared this same type of situation has infiltrated their youth ministries. So, the question remains: who’s having the conversation? Who are our girls looking to for their mirror?

Solutions:

  • Talk to girls about appropriate online behavior
  • Create peer-resolution councils to help interrupt conflict
  • Get passwords to ALL social media accounts
  • Check out Common Sense Media for more tips on teaching teens’ good digital citizenship
  • Become familiar with #BlackGirlsMatter and issues that impact Black Girls
  • Girls Like Me Project, Inc. offers the following workshops: Media is Not Your Mirror© and OMG: Mindless Social Media Behavior©

*This blog does not repost videos depicting violence of any kind*

Advertisements

You can’t consume beauty: Lupita…an image of hope!

And so I hope that my presence on your screens and in the magazines may lead you, young girl, on a similar journey. That you will feel the validation of your external beauty but also get to the deeper business of being beautiful inside. There is no shade in that beauty. ” Lupita Nyong’o-Essence Women in Hollywood 

Courtesy of chikaoduahblog.com

Courtesy of chikaoduahblog.com

Her face is everywhere these days…whether you have seen the film that catapulted her onto magazine covers and household television screens, or if you rely on newscasters to help you pronounce her name, one thing is for sure: the world knows Lupita, Oscar-winning actress…and wounded healer.

It’s funny…this game of life in our society. Just one instance can land us in our dreams, exalted by the masses despite ourselves. Never mind the struggles we have on the climb up, the nightmares that can include half a girlhood spent in self-loathing for not fitting the beauty standards of the western world, for being  poor, being uneducated….for just not being anything other than yourself.

Still, the right lighting or role, a chance conversation tucks all that in and the world is now ready to accept you, sans your struggle.

And so many buy into it, never to speak of their struggle; either they surgically deny it or cover it up with glitter and studded diamonds, entourages and pseudo diva attitudes. So when one uses their platform, as Lupita has, to boldly acknowledge her struggle and her journey to self love; it is rather shocking when that bold nature is then used as a springboard for a few (well now a worldwide movement) to insist on feeding a beast that too often exploits and  conflates the value of those who consume its fruit…yes I’m talking the #LupitaForMac campaign.

Very astute and influential Black WOMEN took to twitter and IG to assemble the bandwagon calling for MAC cosmetic company to create a Lupita line, which was well received…the call was directed to the Mac Cosmetics Twitter account. Not quite certain if MAC has answered, however that is not the point of this piece.

And let me state for the record, I AM NOT AGAINST MAC CREATING A LINE FOR LUPITA NYONG’O.

This is not that.

However, I want us to consider Lupita’s speech delivered at the Essence Women of Hollywood Luncheon. She had a message for young girls, those girls like herself who are struggling to love what the mirror says beyond what media spins about beauty. As she stated with much conviction, “beauty cannot be consumed” and “…get to the deeper business inside…”

These phrases push me to plead with our sisters, the ones who have healed the “ugly scar” of self hatred, the ones whose frequent shopping splurges easily take them into department stores with shiny and colorful makeup counters, lip-gloss popping and foundation dabbing at counters boldly proclaiming brands like MAC, Clinique, Estee Lauder, etc. That these ladies might remember the wounded girl child still in search of the love on the inside. The young girl whose idea of shopping for makeup and beauty products rarely if ever involve revolving doors opening to a world of shining glamour but more likely than not relegated to peering through  dimly-lit, crowded shelves of an asian-owned beauty supply store. Stores which upon her entry, demand she leave all her bags at the front counter and only allow her one companion at a time. She gives up her hard to come by dollars only to receive little respect in return.

Let’s change this narrative. Let us put out the call for girls who love chemistry sets and those who love makeup to do a mashup and create a line of makeup which Lupita (or any number of high-profile Black women) can endorse. Let us apply the “for us by us” philosophy and BUSINESS model.

I’m willing to bet somewhere out there a girl has been mixing colors and products trying to get the right look for her skin tone. She’s been giving it away as gifts to loved ones and probably selling a few jars here and there. Imagine the boost her enterprising dream would get if she were to be discovered and pushed as so many do for brand names like MAC.

But I know I am probably being unrealistic, right? I mean who cares about those girls, after all, this is about the ones who can AFFORD MAC anyway. Right? Well….okay. I get it. I know what it is, especially when I see the comparative statements regarding Lorde’s new Mac line as justification to why Lupita deserves it. Hmmm, we cannot escape it no matter how hard we try; the deserving, good-enough factor always creeps in.

Still, I’d hope if the push continues for #LupitaforMac that there are a few other asks to be considered, such as:

  • Proceeds go towards scholarship for African-American girls studying chemistry
  • A reality show is created to discover the next make-up artist (hey why not, they have cake baking shows, home decorating, fashion designer, etc.) The prize is an internship/job working on the next MAC line for Lupita
  • Proceeds benefit summer camps for girls of color that fortifies self-esteem and beauty beyond the external

Of course this is only the way I must view things, as I have too much engagement with girls like me who are growing up in poverty and limiting environments. I know they need a deeper connection.

I’m known to be a little intense. Perhaps this is the case here. What do you think? And when you have a moment, do a Google image search of the terms, “black girls makeup beauty toy set.” Are you shocked that there is not one picture of Black girls playing in makeup? Leave off the toy set and see what you get? Surprised? Will we, too continue to lock out of beauty dreams?

Please share any organizations or programs that focus on girls STEM and enterprise, especially related to chemistry.

Here’s Lupita’s full speech: