It takes an Extraordinary Father to raise up an Extraordinary Mother

There have been many a song written about our mother’s. Our sweet mothers. Called by many names; Mommy, Mama, Ma, Sweet Sadie, the terms of endearment are e dless. Our love for our mothers is so deep; so intrinsic to our very being that this world feels wrong side out when we lose our mothers, after all Mama is the queen of our heart, her love feels like tears from the stars. Mama’s love is food to our soul. We honor them with our words and deeds, especially giving them the first credit for our success and accomplishments.
Every published author has dedicated a book to her. Watch any awards show and you could make a 50 minute mashable of all the mother shout outs.
Mothers are placed on pedestals, sprinkled with love and covered with loyalty. The caring and nurturing spirit feeds us. We seek her sage advice, always looking up for her approval, striving to make her proud. And so on Mother’s Day, as we do on her birthday and just about any day and find ourselves feeling carefree with some extra pennies in our wallet, we aim to please with tokens of our love. That’s our mama’s. And we’d do anything for her.But what about other people’s Mama…like your daughters’? Are you honoring her? It amazes me how many men turn over the earth for their own mothers, but on Mother’s Day begrudge the other mothers in their lives. They love, honor and respect their own, but then give the critical, judgmental side eye to the mother of their children.

Little girls today grow up to be the mothers of tomorrow. The kind of mother they will be highly depends on their fathers today. Having a strong father is a guiding force in supporting our girls natural maternal instincts. And when I say strong fathers, I don’t mean the man who just happens to live in her home. It takes much more.

A strong father brings his A-game to the fatherhood court. He is a team player and practices fundamentals so he can get better. He honors the game and demonstrates good sportsmanship. He recognizes that by giving it his all, he will become MVP in his daughter’s life. And he’ll know he has the championship ring when his game provides his Babygirl with:

  • Confidence to show up and reach for dreams
  • Discernment to recognize good men and make affirming choices
  • Healthy self esteem to be okay with herself
  • Respect for herself and others
  • Love to recognize and honor its power


Did you know that teenage pregnancy, promiscuity, domestic violence are just a few of the areas fathers can guide their daughters away from? Check out more stats and ways you can influence positive outcomes for our mothers of tomorrow.

You are not winning if you see yourself in any of the following scenarios:

M.I.A Daddy
Some of the young ladies I work with express such yearning for their fathers. A few see their fathers sporadically throughout their lives, many others can’t remember the last time they have seen or spoken to the man who contributed to their existence. It is heartbreaking to witness, crushing to live it. It is crazy how this manifests itself in motherhood. That mother who over compensates for her children’s missing dad, she probably had an M.I.A daddy. The mother who makes excuses and believes any daddy is better than no daddy for her children… Yep, she was most likely the daughter of an MI.I.A daddy.

Present Dad
On the flip side of the M.I.A daddy, we all are familiar with the daddy who pays all the bills but spends little time. He’s the dad that spends more time at work than in his home. Our daughters need fathers who are present and intentionally engaged. Otherwise she grows up to be the mama who expects nothing from a man (the father of her children) but a check. She won’t expect, nor welcome, input on how she raises her children, not even from their father.

Daddy’s Little Girl
There is nothing in the world a Daddy’s girl fears that she does not believe her father cannot fix, no dragon (bullies/abusive boyfriend/mean boss/slum landlord) he will not slay to protect her. When little girls grow up knowing they are loved and protected, it gives them permission to go out into the world standing tall with confidence and security.

Spoiled Rotten
Daddy’s little girls take special pride in how much their fathers love them. They get giddy knowing with the right pout of the mouth and tug of the arm will make her daddy do anything to please her. His love and affection for his princess is expressed with material gifts. A strong father recognizes balance is a must or else he is raising the girl who he calls a “gold digger” who also learns to use motherhood as a ploy to get more tokens of affection. She’s the mother many are today begrudging Mother’s Day, that selfish mother who takes child support and purchases designer bags.

Spare the Rod
In our society, fathers have gotten the reputation as disciplinarians. Justified or not, strong fathered understand the difference between discipline and abuse. Strong fathers know often times, the best discipline comes from example and a good conversation. Still if you are the dad who takes the belt off his pants, the situation had better be assessed and resolved with love leading. Your daughters future could hold an abusive man whom she allows to harm her and her children.

Do Right Man
There are little girls who stay on the lookout for their Daddy. But Daddy is slow to show up. When he come around he’s got the I can’t get you those new shoes/glasses blues and a package full f excuses. Seems like he disappears into the room with mama and spends 15 minutes being daddy. This little girl will more than likely grow up to be that bag lady type of mama, bitter and distrustful. She will tell her children not to depend nor trust any man…you know what I’m talking about. Do right by being a dependable and respectable father who gives his best self to his daughter.

Rolling Stone
This one needs no explaining, after all The Temptations made it plain. We all know that father that has children in everywhere part of the city or spread all over our country town. I swear I have heard from young girls who say they met a new friend at camp on in their new school who turned out to be there sibling. For real. There’s a lot to say about this, but that’s another post for another day. Today just know this type of father maps the path for his daughter to be a “Baby Mama.”

Honor thy mother(s)
This is last but belongs at the top. Of course little girls want to see their Nana’s and Grannies honored and respected, but they too are watching how their fathers treat their mothers. This dynamic informs them how they should expect the father of their children to treat and interact with them. If nothing else is key, it is in the example. No child wants to hear you berate her mother, your little girl does not deserve to be a pawn in grown folks’ business. This is a team sport and you and her mother are the franchise owners, coach and teammates. Sometimes you will also need to be the bigger person and referee, yet with love.

How are you  loving your daughter right today so you can honor her on Mother’s Day in the future?

Ladies, how do you think your father shaped your motherhood?

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Whitney Houston: Queen of the night forever reigns

I saw the AP Breaking News tweet, but my mind would not allow me to believe it.  I was hoping and praying that it was another of the weekly Twitter RIP hoaxes. Not for many hours after did I accept what the news outlets and social media buzz was saying. Whitney Houston had died in a Beverly Hills Hotel.

The realization has left me somber and deflated. To understand my anguish you have to know what Whitney’s gift gave to my childhood and ideal of love and romance. Fighting back tears while at times writing through, I tried to put it into some sensible words using titles from her hits, but below is the best I can give at this time…please receive with all the love, respect and admiration I had for what God shared with us in human form as Whitney Houston…

The scene from the happy days of my childhood is so vivid. Singing. In the living room. In the church choir. In the bathroom. At the dinner table (before being silenced by receiving a stern look from my mother or Granny, cause it was a cardinal sin to sing at the table).

Yes those memories stand out. I would fling my Diana Ross big hair and wrap fake boas around my neck singing with combs, brushes, brooms or mops as my microphone. But I never had a song.  I mean Miss Diana was old…all her songs were from Doo Wop and disco days. This was the 80s and I had never sang any words that I felt were mine.

Until I heard the voice of Miss Whitney Houston.

That voice. That persona…it connected to something within me. So The Greatest Love of All became my song. The words encouraged me and spoke all the things I wished the adults around me would say. Whitney sang that song as if she was the saving grace for every brown girl child who ever breathed. And that voice singing those words awakened a belief inside of me that has never been shaken since; that the greatest love of all is inside of me, and if it is indeed inside of me I was destined for greatness. I am greatness. That’s what Whitney told me, and I believed her.

But beyond that voice, that pure, sanguine, fluid, yet mighty voice was a girl who was my reflection. In a culture where being skinny (or bony as its called in the Black community) is ridiculed and mocked, yet here was Miss Whitney looking poised and regal, sweet and fun, sexy with all the world watching her. I was a pair of those eyes watching- looking up in celebration and awe. Instantly I recognized Whitney was a girl like me.

So I donned a wardrobe change with my idol as inspiration…. coached along by my step mother I sang at talent and fashion pageants.

I was a swirling motion of high-volumed hair, shiny lip gloss, neon bright singing sensation saving all my love for that one moment in time when all my cares melted and I just wanted to dance with somebody, singing like I knew things, tears streaming from my pubescent eyes, I got so emotional.  Just a girl child but felt like I was Every Woman with the greatest love flowing through me. It was a force, somebody bigger than me had given the world this angel, and I studied and learned from the best what poise and inflection and crescendo and perfect pitch meant.

Step by step of my life, there is a song from Whitney to give peace, encouragement, love, clarity and a good time. I felt it deeply then that we had something in common. I recall the early years of college when things were getting serious with my boyfriend, I’d asked him to listen to the words from Run To You, because if he could truly hear those words, if he  got the song then he’d get me. He got it, no wonder he is now my husband.

I Want to Run To You

Now today is one of those days when the world just doesn’t make much sense. Finding myself so emotional in a different state of being. I didn’t know Whitney, but every time she sang I felt like she knew me. Thinking back on what she gave the world, I marvel thinking didn’t we almost have it all. Maybe she gave us too much, it lead to entitlement. Her voice, relationship and struggles weren’t enough, the cameras and fans and media always wanted more. The queen of the night told us who she was, left herself wide open…she was a miracle of our time. The greatest.

And now Whitney Houston is gone. Something just doesn’t feel right, but it’s okay because we can look to her marvelous works. She definitely lived life with passion and on her purpose. We can listen to her gift and savor that million dollar bill feeling…Whitney made us feel large didn’t she?

So diva, I ain’t got nothin’ but love for you.

Rest in peace and power in your next realm. I pray for peace and comfort to blanket your family and all those who truly shared in your life with you.

There will never ever be another Whitney. Salute!

 

Take a look back at some of my favorite Whitney songs. Please share your memories and songs that touched you, too!

You Give Good Love

Every woman

Miracle

Queen of the Night

All the man that I need

Greatest Love of All

One of those Days

Something In Common